22 years 7 months.

send me your location attention.

22 years and 7 months.
At the age of 22, I felt the taste of heartbreak.
How it felt to be 'in love' with someone.

How it felt to have someone to talk to.
How it felt to have someone for daily calls and texts.
How it felt to have someone to receive the poetry that I read.
How it felt to have someone that cares for me.
How it felt to have someone that said he loves me too.
How it felt to have someone to talk about marriage, future, and kids.
How it felt to have someone you miss too.
How it felt to have someone you pray for their happiness and wellbeing.
(maybe their happiness would include me)

And
How it felt when someone that I love gave my number to his 'future wife'.
How it felt like when you became the meddler in their relationship.
How it felt like when you are just one of the girlfriends and scandals.
How it felt when someone broke the trust you have.
How it felt when someone said that he hates me and at the same time professing his love.
How it felt to cry for someone.
How it felt when someone apologizes and said things are in the past.
How it felt being the chaser and chased.
How it felt being ignored.
How it felt being taken for granted.
How it felt being desperate.
How it felt being sad.

To summarize it all, at the age of 22 years and 7 months, I met a douchebag.
After 7 months, the realization hits me.
Was it love? Lust? Filling loneliness?

Julai.

Aku tengah final exam sekarang. Final yang terakhir.
Aku still contact dia.
Aku still contact dia lepas aku mintak tolong Ad tanyakan perasaan dia dekat aku.
This happens in Mei and now dah nak masuk Julai.

Apa yang aku buat ni.
Apa yang aku buat ni.

Aku tergerak hati nak tulis benda ni sebab aku rasa macam nak menangis je skrg. Dah la exam tak berapa nk perform. Bercinta pun tak kesampaian.

Macam mana aku nak buang perasaan ni. Aku ni bodoh sangat ke. Dia layan aku macam tahi kot. Maybe bila baca ayat confession tu, "I love him but I hope he is not the one that I am going to marry because he treats me like shit". That line hits straight to the heart. Sebab sumpah tak tipu. Aku sayang dia. Walau tahi macam mana pun aku sayang dia.

Aku doa dekat tuhan. mintak perasaan ni dijauhkan. dan bagi kekuatan untuk aku angkat kaki. tapi kenapa aku ni lembik sangat. tolong lah. tolong.